I converted to the faith in 1961 when I got married. That's when I became a "church-goer". When it was Sunday, I was supposed to go to Mass. It was my parish, so I was supposed to serve. I believed what I was doing was my religious duty—just fulfilling obligations. I see things very black and white, and this was no different in my religious life.
I thought of church like a job, no different than going to work. Even still, I thought I was doing things right and that I was a good Catholic. But in attending Mass on Sunday, never did I think of, “who am I going to Mass for?” In all of my service, I was never thinking of Jesus.
My experience of Catholicism was completely devoid of faith and completely separate from someone to love, or be loved by. This didn’t change until 2018 when I discovered there was more to Catholicism than being a "church-goer”.
When my only son passed away, my brother Knights attended his funeral service and offered a Mass for him. There was an outpouring of love and prayers for me and my wife, Margaret. I felt fulfilled in a way I had never experienced before. The Knights introduced me to the idea of community in Catholicism, and yet, I still didn’t have faith.
When I was invited to Alpha for the first time, I said no because it offered something I wasn’t interested in discovering. I didn’t feel the need for it. The second invite I said, “no.” The third invite I said, “no.” When a brother Knight shared with me the influence Alpha had had on his life, and how he had grown, I saw in him something I wanted. So, on the fourth invite I said, “yes.”
By the end of the 10 weeks of Alpha, my view on religion had changed. I realized there was a lot to this faith that I didn’t know. I wanted to continue my journey, so I decided to take Discovery next. It was in Discovery that my idea of God transformed from an outside influence to a partner and a friend. My perspective of religion changed from rules to follow, to a person I understand and know and love. I learned that Jesus knows me and loves me personally.
A verse of Scripture that influenced this second conversion in my life was Revelations 3:20, “Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come into you and eat with you, and you with me.”
I chose to open the door. I chose to place Christ at the centre of my life. I know now He was there on the other side of the door the entire time. For those 57 years, He was waiting for me to let Him in.
And here I am now, praying and talking to Him constantly. I would never have thought that I would have sat in a Starbucks, with people a few feet away, and said a prayer out loud.
Every day, my personal relationship with Jesus grows deeper and stronger. I feel the Holy Spirit moving me to do things I would never do on my own, like sharing my testimony. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. I still continue to serve St. Patrick’s, but now I ask Him to help me. Before it was a job; now it’s a prayer.
I was moved to share my story now, thinking of you, the other people at St. Patrick’s and in our Church community, who have a story like mine. I feel overwhelmed by the thought that something that I expand on might inspire you to start the journey I did, to have a Christ-centred relationship with Jesus. Open the door.
